PhD, CD, and a Paperback Writer…


I think that the good Lord KNEW I was going to need to be in the group I am in this week. I am half way through the second intensive of the fall and I have a group of thinkiers. That’s not to say they don’t feel, but they take those feelings and filter them through the application of thought. So when “it” hits the fan, the people in my group clean up and move on; not cry 😉

Our groups today were tasked to write down what we see as being future goals in our life and why we’re going to accomplish these goals. As I sat staring at a blank page, my mind drifted off to what I want to look back at 40 and say I had accomplished…

One of those was obviously a PhD:

phd_packshot

Ironically, though that is not the PhD I am referencing at this point, it is actually an ambition for the second goal in my life: to complete a CD. I have been writing music since I can remember. There was a little song called “China Doll” that I wrote in high school. I can still picture myself sitting at Springvale Baptist Church’s piano after service one night and plucking out the tune to these lyrics:

China Doll
And I think I’m strong
But I lose my way
And you find me.

Still true of myself today I think 🙂 Then there is the song I wrote for my mom the summer she passed away. I told the group today that when I wrote that song, she was too sick to move from the back of our house to the living room where the piano was; so she only heard the piano part and the words sung bedside separately. Though I don’t remember, I sung that song at her funeral.

Over the years, I have collected these songs, and in the past decade some of them still have mattered in the lives of people I’ve shared them with; so my second goal is to finally complete a CD:

n55704666_34285796_9718-1

The last ambition scribble onto my blank paper this morning, was to become a writer. There has been an innate drive to put paper to pen since I was a kid. What a beautiful release, putting into word what it is I’m feeling, thinking, how life is unfolding. Sometimes it ends up on the receiving end of a little melody that works its way into a song, but often it ends up being logged in the recesses of my mind, in the stacks of completed journals, or in the memory of a hard drive. One day, I want to compile these and store them forever on the pages of a paper back novel.

paperback writer-1

The ones I used to love cracking open on a rainy day as a kid; when I would sit in the living room chair and disappear for hours into the thoughts of someone else.

All these things are still as the classroom directives stated: “future.” I blog-bound them, and am now creating another level of accountability for myself; but as for the rest of today: I have one more group therapy session, preparing to audition for an indi film, and getting my hair done tonight.

attachment

Life is a series of baby-steps sometimes; today, I am taking them one toe at a time…what would you have written on your blank sheet?

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