All Hallow’s Eve, a Marble House and Underwear Money


“Summer’s End.”  This holiday originated as a Celtic festival of the dead, but growing up I only knew it as a day to make my mother worry about cavities and a chance to give life to my alter-ego.  This year, that alter ego was Cher; the 1960’s version.  Without Sonny, I was not performing an “I’ve got you babe” reprise; instead, I passed out candy to the various fairies, witches, and supermen, and felt the twinge of nostalgia.  I could almost see the 10-year old cheerleader version of myself traipsing up the interlocked walkway to the white-pillared front doors in hopes of a any kind of candy but “rockets,” please…

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I am decades from that little girl now, and in the midst of passing out candy-corn and Hershey chocolate, the adult-version of Halloween started arriving.  Instead of pumpkin buckets, this version carried home made apple-crumble and hot apple cider; help take the edge off the evening chill.  It was two weeks ago Marty hosted the Homecoming party, this holiday his house was the merely the “staging” ground.  I came primed with a black wig and white sunglasses, we collected “static-cling” and a “can-can girl,” and headed out to the marble mansion.

Have you ever been to those house parties where you had no clue who the hosts were but found yourself running into an eclectic group of people that you knew from elsewhere?  That was us Saturday night.  Not only that, we didn’t come bearing “gifts” and were thus titled “freeloaders” by the fairy-god-man host for the remainder of our stay.  I didn’t care, because I had just walked up to the house of my dreams, entirely made of marble…

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If I hadn’t known better, I would have sworn we walked into a Halloween party somewhere in lower Manhattan, NY.  The entrance was massive…

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The marble pool in the backyard was breathtaking…

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The interior was exactly what I need: loads of room to breathe.

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Fit for a King…or Queen 😉 And wouldn’t you know…it’s for SALE! Only $799,000…more than I have at this point…so I kept dreaming all the way to Bullbranch; it wouldn’t be Halloween if I didn’t visit Scott Cardwell, Leah Peeks, Brandon Sydnor, Seth Meeks, Kersten Morrison and the supporting cast of “Cheers.”

It also wouldn’t be Halloween if I wasn’t taking care of inebriated friends.  Every Halloween has its story and this one is no exception.  A particular friend of mine (name’s will be spared to save face), was wearing a traditional Scottish kilt.  To keep his personal affects safe, he elected to keep them tucked nicely into his drawers (or underwear if you prefer the term).  When the clock struck twelve, and he nearly struck the floor, I decided to take him to Texas Inn for a classic Cheesy-western; the late-night food to cure what ails, or “ales.”

To save embarrassment, before we left the car I suggested he take his money from his drawers and put them in his front pouch on his kilt.  I was envisioning him rummaging around for his money when he was done eating inside; not pretty.  I could have saved my imagination and my time because two cheesy’s later, he was asked to pay and I nearly fell off the stool as he pulled up his skirt, stuck his hands in his underwear and started searching for his money.  He was horrified because he could locate all the other necessities in his underpants except his money.  Of course each of those things was announced as he found them to be or not to be present, and then put on verbal repeat.  With my head turned away from the scene, I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe (along with the couple sitting next to me), through my tears and chuckles I kept saying, “it’s in your pouch, it’s in your pouch…”

Finally, I had to say: “Get your hand out of your pants!  Your money is in your front pouch!!”  Maybe it was the firmness in my tone, or the realization that money was not going to fabricate itself in his underpants, he finally listened and to his great delight found the missing money safely in the pouch I’d had him put it in before we got out of the car…

Never a dull moment if you’re the designated driver; anyone else have a DD or Halloween story?

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