The Aftermath…


Marty and I have been friends for two years almost to this day (sometime mid-November).

I met him working at Bullbranch, and that night he had me pretend I was gay to freak his buddies out; we’d just met.

So pretending to be engaged made perfect sense.

Marty has ended up becoming one of my best friends.  He was willing to make phone calls to get me back into the country when I pretended I had forgotten my VISA in VA; he came to see me sing nearly every time I performed (and he’s not a big music fan); he’s one of the only guy friends I’ve ever had who actually brought me over soup and crackers when I was sick (I had to ask of course…well, beg, but he did!); and he’s probably one of the few people in the world I know I could rely on for anything if I ever needed him, no questions asked…well, there would be questions, but he would…eventually…

Maybe that’s why more people weren’t surprised that we were possibly engaged Friday?  I mean, he has helped me clean up cat vomit…

What more could I want in a man?

Maybe it’s because we had too much fun shopping for rings, or maybe it was because we let the joke go on too long, or maybe it’s because we hadn’t actually figured out how to end the joke; but when we finally faced the “public” Friday night and were asked, “Uhh…so…are you guys engaged?”  The only response we could give was “I don’t know.” (Until a few birthday beverages later, Marty was telling everyone we met that we were actually engaged…)

Disney did not prepare me for this; at all.  I knew what to do if a knight rode up in shining armor, I knew what to expect if I was rescued out of an ivory tower; heck, I knew what to do if I lived under the sea!!  But Disney hadn’t prepared me for prenups.  I mean, Aladdin didn’t sign one to marry Jasmine!

Did he?

Apparently, in this society, he should have.

My fundamental problem with prenups is that it suggests a lack of trust, between both parties.  I was also raised – however idealistic this might be – that you marry once; divorce is not an option.  This has been true of everyone in my family, aside from a couple uncles; my Oma only married 3 times because she outlived them all.  So marrying for gain has never been my MO.

My dad made a good point today though; he said it’s hard to know who you can trust these days, and even harder to know if the person you are with is presenting the real version of themselves or a fictional one. I also didn’t know anything about prenups until I saw this movie:

So a proposal is riding on a couple things:

  1. An actual proposal
  2. My acceptance of course
  3. A 5ct ring (I’d happily take 3…lol) and
  4. A prenup.

What do you guys think?  Would you sign one?

I was once told: if you want to know how a guy is going to treat you, look at how he treats his mother.  Maybe I should pay closer attention to how Marty treats his mom before I worry about a prenup?

What would YOU do? (assuming this were to ever happen of course)…

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14 thoughts on “The Aftermath…

  1. Renee,
    Wow that questions can’t be answered in this small little comment box, as it won’t let me write enough characters to answer it. First of all, let me say that I am COMPLETELY against prenuptial agreements because, as you pointed out, they show a relationship that is not completely founded in trust. Yes, saying yes to a proposal is scary for a woman, I’ve talked at length with Cindi about this, but the relationship is still a trusting one. You may trust him to bring you goodies and to be there, but is there enough trust between the two of you to start a lifelong commitment without a prenup? If not, I have to ask, why are you getting married? If so, I have to ask, why do you need one? I would love to talk to you more about this, or even both of you about it. Not that I am even close to an expert (yeah the expert who has been engaged 2.5 months 😉 ), but I do feel like God gives those outside of our situation clarity that perhaps we cannot see because of our proximity to the situation. Let me know!

    • Haha, hey Matt!!

      I had to tweak the type a bit…there wasn’t an actual proposal; at this point. But there were actual discussions, that went much like the ones I’ve written here. That IS my fundamental problem with a prenup, it suggests a lack of trust. I would never steal, or take what isn’t mine, and why would that be true in a relationship/marriage? Marty has never known marriage to NOT have one…that’s why I wanted to see what people thought of them!

  2. Well, I’ll channel Karen a bit here, who would in turn be channeling L’Engle, in saying that people are proven trustworthy only when given the opportunity to be trustworthy. A prenup takes away that opportunity. I went into our marriage, as you’ve articulated in your post, with the expectation that this was a once-in-a-lifetime event. Except, a prenup turns a lifetime commitment into doublespeak, saying that you are committing forever…but, leaving a way out, just in case.

    In the poker game of life, my friend, marriage means going “all in,” or not going at all.

    (that’s so cheesy I can hardly believe I wrote it)

  3. Yikes! 50 percent of marriages fail — and while you can hope that yours will not be one of them, it’d be silly to not insure yourself against the greatest of catastrophes. I would HAPPILY sign a prenuptial agreement if the woman I fall in love with happens to be a bajillionaire. Prenups go both way — it doesn’t have to be a sign of distrust.I wouldn’t sign as as an opportunity to show my allegience to her and not her wallet.

    Maybe that’s just me. And maybe that’s just b/c im not a marrying a millionaire…yet. 😉

  4. Apparently I wasn’t speaking English in my last post. Sorry, I’ve had a few drinks. Here it is again:

    Yikes! 50 percent of marriages fail — and while you can hope that yours will not be one of them, it’d be silly to not insure yourself against the greatest of catastrophes. I would HAPPILY sign a prenuptial agreement if the woman I fall in love with happens to be a bajillionaire. Prenups go both ways — it doesn’t have to be a sign of distrust.I would sign as as an opportunity to show my allegiance to her and not her wallet.

    Maybe that’s just me. And maybe that’s just b/c im not a marrying a millionaire…yet. 😉

    • That’s because you ARE going to be a millionaire 😉

      I really appreciate the perspectives guys, I know so many more of you have something to say, keep the comments coming!!

  5. Ok, so let me just say this Greencard trilogy has been a nail biter…truly.

    In response to your questions. I don’t think that prenups are a good idea…like Matt said (whom I know too, which makes this world smaller than I thought) marriage is all about trust. Do you truly know the person you are marrying? Do you trust them? Do you trust your relationship enough to know that it will last? Are you thinking that Marty is going to pop the question?? From what you said, he seems like a great guy, but money is not happiness…if you know that you know you can depend on him for more than just cough drops when you’re sick or the late night “woman supplies” run, then you know you can trust him with your relationship. Not only must he choose you, but you must choose him. Remember, and obviously you know this and have experienced it before, but love is not just a feeling…it is a commitment – the rest of your life…and that can be a scary thought, if you let it. However, the person that you are with determines, for you, if that is an unfathomable thought, just as you determine the same for that person.
    I wish you all the best with this situation, I know you both will make the best decision possible. I will say that a 3 ct. ring would be awesome haha…Pictures…if it happens…lots of pictures at lots of angles 🙂 :)!

  6. In a perfect world, prenups would be unnecessary. However, we are all human and you have no idea what could happen in the future. Not that you don’t trust each other, but you just never know how a situation may change a person. I could give a million examples, but I don’t feel like writing that much!! As long as both parties agree and don’t take offense to it, I think a prenup is a fine idea!

  7. I don’t usually weigh in on these things but I felt compelled this time. My husband comes from a wealthy family. The idea of a prenup was tossed around a few times but in the end, we didn’t use one. I committed to him that I wasn’t in it for the money and he trusted that. We got married without one.

    That said, I would have signed one if he’d wanted it. It was his choice not to pursue it. I agree with Lianna–signing a prenup is also saying you’re committed to him/her and not the money. It’s putting trust in your partner that *if* things go south, your partner won’t leave you penniless.

  8. Renee! I don’t know if you want any more two sense statements, but I’d stick with your instincts on this one. Not every marriage out there has a prenup attached to it, and although i’ve been slammed by my coworkers for not having one with Brady, I believe it not only speaks of my trust for him, but for my relationship with God. If I stood before God and made my vows and asked God to be the centre of my marriage, then not only am I trusting Brady to choose me each and every day for the rest of our lives, I’m trusting God to work out the details and to meet my NEEDs every day for the rest of my life. I get that there is a high divorce rate today, and it would be naive not to plan out a future, but there’s some things in life that require daily faith and I really do think marriage is one of them!
    Good luck figuring this one out for yourself though!
    Jenn

    • Jenn!!

      I want ALL the two cents that anyone has to spare on this! I am fascinated about it, because honestly, this wasn’t something that was ever talked about when we dreamt of marriage as kids…thank you for taking the time to write that! And to everyone else who has taken the time to key out their thoughts!!

      This little Canadian-American appreciates it 😉

  9. Jonathan and I were both too broke to need a prenup. And we’re still so broke that it wouldn’t even matter. I’d only sign one if Jonathan agreed to pay all the student loans back. Just kidding;-) Love is a decision and an action as much as it is a feeling, so even when times are worse rather than better, one should choose to continue to love rather than walk away. I’ve been reading some fiction by Karen Kingsbury and one of her series is about a couple on the verge of divorce. The couple in the book realize that they would be losing a part of their lives because once two people marry, they are connected as one flesh. Signing a prenup may protect your financial interests, but it can’t do anything to solve the real problems that lead to and result from divorce.

  10. Thanks everyone for the thoughts, this has been an education!!

    Please comment on my blog today if you haven’t thrown in your “two-cents” yet! I am interested in learning more about both sides!

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