The Canadian and the Cat.


Allergies are EVIL.

Which makes all cats EVIL.

To me.

These adorable furry bundles of love are the most heinous, tormenting creatures on the planet; horses and various dogs run a close second.  As my life would have it, over 50% of my close friends not only own one of these afflicting animals, but two…or three…or four.  This particular thanksgiving, it worked out that all three houses I turkey-crashed included feline family members.

And now I suffer.

If only it stopped there.  Over-exposure to cats (meaning, I spend more then an hour or so around them in any given week), is almost always catalyst to some sort of subsequent ailment.  I woke up today with a sore throat.  So I did what all good American’s do when they don’t want to pay for their health care…I Google’d it.

What my cyberspace doctor told me, is that allergies are actually an “immune system disorder.”  With the immune system no longer functioning, the host is susceptible to an array of diseases.

I KNEW IT!  This explains why after any elongated period of time around cats, I end up sick shortly afterward; my immune system is in disarray!!

But it’s just a little cat allergy, right?

Let me tell you a story…

A number of American thanksgivings ago, I was invited to a friends house whose family lived on the edge of the Blue Ridge Parkway.  They had an outdoor lab named Sasha, but no cats.  I was spending the night because the next morning I was going on my first (and last) “hunting trip” ever.  She had told me they didn’t have extra pillows, so I was to bring my own; but scatterbrained me forgot and was forced to use a throw pillow she had kicking around.  I’m pretty laissez-faire about things (scatterbrains have to be), so I happily accepted any form of head-rest and crashed around 11pm to “nap” before the 4am hunting call-time.

Somewhere around 1am, I woke up with throbbing sinus’, unable to breathe.  Standing up cleared my head a little, but I had a general “death warmed over” feeling.  I paced her house, searched for any type of cold medicine, to no avail; unable to lay down as the feeling worsened.  Defeated, at 2am I slid down the side of the bed I was sharing with my friend, crashed to the floor with tears streaming down my face.  This woke my friend.

“Renee, what is wrong??”

“I’m so sorry, I just can’t sleep, I think I’m coming down with something, but, I mean, it feels like allergies; I just don’t get it, you don’t have a cat hidden here somewhere do you?”

Silence.

“Renee, exactly how allergic to cats are you?”

“VERY.”

“Okay, well, the pillow you’re using came from the apartment I lived in six months ago, and there was a cat there.”

“Did the cat LIVE on the pillow?” I asked, bewildered.

“No, it was just on the couch, I mean, the cat was near it sometimes, but not that often really…”

You know that story about the princess and the pea?  If royalty could be determined by identifying the presence of a cat, I would have been crowned and given a scepter years ago.  You know how they say to use your powers for good, not evil?  If only I could figure out what it is I am meant to do with this ability…

Suggestions??

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5 thoughts on “The Canadian and the Cat.

  1. In case some evil mastermind chooses to make an army of possessed cats his covert agents to plant guerilla warfare devices at strategic locations, you’ll be an amazing scout for the forces of good to detect where the evil cats have been.

    You just may have to be on oxygen while you do it.

    • I might actually consider suffering through allergies if it means I can be a part of Jack Bauer’s world…I think my line would be “My name is Peckham. Renee Ruth Peckham. Double O nine (nine lives ;). Licensed to kill CATS!!!!!!!!!”

      :o)

  2. Pingback: Allergen farce or fact? « Canamgirl's Blog

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