The wandering eye


My Prince Charming post spawned a discussion on Facebook with a guy who had read it (I am not using names here, but I hope I don’t offend for bringing the ideas into this blog!).  I made the comment that my dad has always been a one-woman man, and how rare that seems to be these days.  More often then not, I see guys who have a beautiful girl on their arm while gazing at another beautiful girl passing by.

I called this “the wandering eye.”  Having made it to (almost) 32 without marrying, or a long-term relationship since my early twenties, I have had the chance to observe all the lucky (or very unlucky) people in relationships around me; something I’ve done with an element of skill since completing a Master’s in Communication.  To me, there is a world of difference between “noticing” beauty (let’s be honest here, Angelina Jolie is GORGEOUS), and the “wandering eye.”  This individual made the statement, “regularly notice beautiful women, and these men are faithful & in good, committed, trustful love relationships.”

It got me thinking…and I realized it’s not the look but the way a guy looks at a beautiful woman. My father can openly acknowledge gorgeous women on TV (Catherine Zeta-Jones has been a long time favorite), but not for one second do I think his acknowledgment has gone beyond a mere acknowledgment in his mind.  A wandering eye, to me, is a guy who is looking at another woman with something more than aesthetic appreciation in mind; even as I write that, I realize that’s abstract. It’s hard to define in type, but I believe you can be unfaithful in your “look.” I never saw that with my father.  He literally could not understand how men cheat on their wives/girlfriends.

I’ve actually had very open discussions with guys who have expressed the difficulty of being with just one woman, and remaining faithful to her not just in action but in thought.  That seems to be more common than men like my father but maybe I’m way off base here and there are more men out there like my dad than I think?  I really hope so…

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4 thoughts on “The wandering eye

  1. Renee,
    You are not wrong but one piece of information is missing. Absolutely a married or attached man can enjoy the beauty of God’s creation and not go beyond that. I believe it is a generational problem, with your generation. Many have not had a one woman relationship modeled before them and thus they become a reflection of what they experienced growing up. The internet, massive marketing of the porn industry and the breakdown of the family have spurred this new phenomen on. The generation of young men bounce from relationship to relationship without a thought of long term commitment. Many times at the cost to the young ladies they leave in their wake. One local pastor told me he is very tired of the parade of marriages he sees in his office with in 6 mos of the vows telling him they are tired of one another. My parents never tired and never moved on. When my Dad died, my mom was in her late 50′ and never remarried. She said I could never get over the feeling of being unfaithful to my Dad going out on dates, Wow, that is a heritage. All that said, you are in quite the dilemma, you have to research the man’s history to find out why he is “at your table”, sounds tough but I could go on and on and on about young ladies today with broken hearts because of unfaithful men but to be fair I could say the same thing in reverse. Men with broken hearts because of their unfaithful women. The family in America is broken and it will take a move of God to fix it!!!

    • Chris,

      You are absolutely right. Thank you for the post! It might be generational, but I think it is cultural too. Things in our culture have changed in the last twenty years and monogamy has become “taboo;” even in Christian culture. Your parents story is beautiful, and part of my problem is that I had a wonderful example growing up of what a relationship should look like. That being said, this country’s broken family may be what it may, but I am waiting for the person who is going to compliment me, and compliment the life I believe I’m called to leave – as I will him!

  2. Make infidelity illegal. The only way Americans will learn to keep their clothes on outside of marriages is if it impacts their bank accounts or personal freedoms. Making pornography illegal wouldn’t hurt, either.

    • Lol, don’t know that I necessarily disagree with you Dave…reminded me of a discussion I had with a Korean friend about arranged marriages…those cultures have a 0% divorce rate…

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