Online Dating…
Alright…I have given in and in the last two weeks have chosen to make a concerted effort in the realm of online dating.
I live in a small town, college town to be exact, and so most men my age are either happily married with kids or living in a major metropolis (as I probably should be). So, my options here are limited, and I have been told on more than one occasion if I hope to find love, I’d have to leave this city…or go online.
So I did it. I created a profile, with an alias, and enough information to make it plain my purpose on this site, underscoring the need for any potential men to be “Christ-followers,” “patient,” “educated,” and “between the ages of 30-40.” I figure that is a fair bracket now that I’m into my 30’s (no longer just turned…sadly).
Here is what I get:
“Your hot. Lets chat sumtime.” (I listed myself as a university prof; one might think that would inspire spell-check to gain my favor).
“Hey, how are you doing?” (while this might seem harmless, it is SO unoriginal and boring).
“Gud grief, u gorgeous gurl! Can we meet up?” (Aw man, really?)
— The best is when I don’t respond to one of the above introductory lines and I get the following email (keep in mind, they can see I’ve read it and obviously chosen not to respond).
“What did I do wrong? Is it a crime to say hello?”
“Hey, you can’t even say hi back?”
or
“That was lame, all your degrees and you couldn’t even come up with something to say back?” (Yes, someone actually wrote that.)
On your profile, you are required to indicate what it is you are looking for, and what it is you are. So there is a space to put “religion,” “interest” (hook up, dating, relationship, etc), “age,” and so on. Usually, these guys fall under the “non-religious,” “good time,” “25 and under or 46 and over” category.
My usual response to their retort is: “If you read my profile, you’ll understand my silence.” Harsh, I know, but you will not believe how quickly an inbox can fill up on these sites and how little time I really have in a day to devote to the construction worker pick-up lines that are 90% of the content.
I am not looking for perfection, just someone who is willing to read, and maybe has something more to respond to than their perception of my pictures…
I can’t help but wonder if there is anyone out there for me……? 🙂
Canamgirl Music 
Many moons ago, I used eHarmony. I liked the process that they utilized to walk you through meeting the people to whom they introduced you (simple questions to more complex questions to open communication), and I met some interesting girls through the site. I say interesting not necessarily in a good way. After a completely odd experience with a photographer in Raleigh, the site tried to arrange an introduction to an ex-girlfriend. It was then that I realized that they obviously had no clue what they were talking about, and deleted my account.
Perhaps your ventures will fare better. Although, finding someone who is basically literate and has all of their teeth can be a challenge in this area…
I feel like I need to qualify my profile online, there is a paragraph that states:
— I am hoping one day to meet someone who is a Christ-follower, but am not convinced that will happen online. I do not discriminate against friendship on here, but if you are looking for anything more you need to be a Christian. I also don’t respond to cliche one-liners; sorry, I’m SO busy and don’t have time for “small-talk.” —
And the last paragraph ends with:
— But the reality is, I am SO busy, that I am down with just meeting new people here, hang out when I’m in your town (hopefully doing shows!! and if something clicks, awesome. I am incredibly slow and calculated when it comes to any kind of relationship, so be forewarned! —
Given that, I am always surprised when guys looking to hook up send me a message…there ARE however, some Christian men on these free sites (I’m not paying eHarmony for the very reason you just listed); but nothing has “clicked”…EVER.
I know plenty of people who are currently enjoying similar experiences, slim pickings.
Some would say you can’t find love just anywhere and frankly, I’m inclined to agree.
I find that you can search every nook & cranny, leave no stone unturned, all while having every search tool and device at your fingertips only to find you’ve just merely scathed the top-layer of undesirables, outcasts, and misfits of the like… It can be discouraging. Best advice? Keep your head up, and have faith! Nothing worth having is easy to find. The key is trying to keep that in mind during your search and in your travels and in the meantime, focus on keeping yourself happy. Love has a way of making itself blatantly available in the least timely fashion, and most uncanny way.
There is someone out there. Don’t stress it, don’t rush. And most certainly don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.
Cheers, and happy hunting 🙂
Erik,
I have heard that my whole life: love will find you when you least expect it. I don’t want anyone to mistake this blog for me realizing that I am desperate to find someone…that’s quite the opposite. I’m so happy on my own, and with the little life I’m carving out in this world but there is the little place somewhere in my mind that still dreams about sharing it someone (other than my little Yorkie Joey :), and it is that spark which drove me to try online dating.
If you aren’t content with who you are today, how can you be content with anyone (or anything) else? I’m just wondering why it’s so difficult to find “matches” in a sea of possibilities 🙂
Hey, watch out with the construction worker crack, that was low!
Come on, you know stereotypes exist for a reason but there are always exceptions to the generalizations 😉
I was going to reply to your profile, but somewhere between browsing to your website I lost you… anyhow, you have such an amazing voice and are a very talented artist. To be honest I really don’t listen to this kind of music, but your songs are very soothing and easy on the ears.
As for the online dating grind (which I’ve been doing longer than I care to admit) it’s funny how different a guy’s experience can be (or lack of it) in comparison, well anyway good luck out there and like someone else said keep your head up! =)
AJ…you’re sweet 🙂 Thank you for posting here! I don’t expect most guys would listen to my music…:) But thank you for taking the time to do so!
Yeah…online dating is a bit of a beast 🙂 Best wishes to you too!
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